When you experience something that you label negative, how does it make you feel?
When you make a mistake or if someone “tells you off”, do you have a sinking feeling inside?
When you or someone else does not produce the results that you were expecting, how do you react?
The fact is most of us have a negative response internally, to a negative occurrence that took place externally. It is the basic stimulus response modality. Something happens, positive or negative, and we have a reaction, positive or negative. It seems pretty simple. The problem is when our own negative responses are causing problems in our lives, families, businesses, or careers.
The difference maker is that we actually can control our own reactions. We don’t have to respond the way that we feel, especially when we feel like responding negatively.
When you hear that a key client is upset and is considering doing business with your competitor, you don’t have to “lose it.” Calm down, settle yourself. Instead of getting upset, examine the situation, look and see what opportunities are at your disposal. This may be a wonderful opportunity to turn this disgruntled client into a raving fan, by simply asking a few questions and addressing a few problems. It could have been a huge misunderstanding or the client could have just been having a horrible day. Maybe the client heard some negative news and they were taking it out on you! That is the stimulus response modality. It happens all the time. You may never know what the root problem is with a client, coworker, family member, or a particular situation; unless you take the high road, stay positive, and are bold enough to ask.
We must understand that problems are not pervasive. In other words, just because you have a problem in one area of your life, it does not mean that it has to take over your entire life.
I know of one person that explained some of the tremendous problems that they were facing in their professional life. The problems they outlined would have made most people’s head spin. However, this person did not have one bit of indigestion and did not lose one bit of sleep. They were operating in total peace and serenity. Why? They learned to compartmentalize their life. Problems in one area of your life do not have to destroy the other areas of your life. Put systems in place that help you to deal with problems, and establish and maintain healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life.
E-mail does not have to ruin your day. Put a system in place. I respond to e-mail once a day, i.e., before 10:00am or after 4:00pm every day. Or whatever will work best for you, but whatever you do, create a system that will reduce the stress and keep you from getting negative. Delete the negative aspects of your life. Maintain a ruthless focus on staying positive. Don’t let negativity creep up on you. When it does, deal with it tactfully and effectively, and keep moving forward. Always operate from a position of strength, never weakness. Stay upbeat and expect even negative occurrences to turn for your good. Keep a smile on your face, walk with a purpose, and project the confidence that is resident on the inside of you. Negativity has a way of raining on your parade. However, you have enough positivity and sunshine in you to evaporate every drop of negativity.
Many things come out in the wash. Some things are not worth the time that you worry about them. Why? Because some things just don’t matter. You cannot control people, their attitudes, actions, or opinions. What you can control is how you process what happens to you and how you choose to respond. That is where your power lies. Your attitude is your choice; no one can take that away from you.
At the end of every day, make sure to archive all of the positive occurrences, put a plan in place to deal with pertinent opportunities, and choose to delete all of the negatives. You will be able to start the next day with a clean slate, fresh energy, and a plan that will accelerate positive results.
The next time you experience something negative ask yourself the following questions:
1) What thought am I choosing to believe that is causing me to feel uneasy?
Most fears are caused by a thought. Worry is a thought. It is obsessively thinking in the negative. Find the negative thought, identify it, and get rid of it. Just because 500 other people lost their job doesn’t mean that you will lose yours. And even if you did lose your job, you will not only survive, you will thrive. But only If you get your mind right; you actually have the power to create whatever you want. Find the negative thought that is messing you up and choose to replace it with a positive thought. You will feel more at ease when you do this.
2) What is good about this?
Always ask yourself what is the benefit of this situation. What good things can I pull from this experience? If you stay with this question, if you stay positive and persistent the answers that you arrive at will astound you. Maybe it’s good that you did not get that client that you felt you had to have, because 3 months down the road you heard how they made your competitor miserable with their unreasonable and incessant requests. That company that you felt you just had to work for went “belly up” the year after they turned you down for a position. Are you upset that you did not get that job now? Always ask yourself, “What is good about this?”
3) Is it true?
Everything you hear is not necessarily true. Every criticism that is hurled at you is not necessarily appropriate or applicable. You can deal with negatives more effectively if you examine to see if they are true, and if they even apply to you. There are crooked people in the world. There are dishonest people in every profession that you can name under the sun. However, there are also good people everywhere you look, and there are people full of integrity in every profession that you interface with in your daily life. You just have to find them. Don’t lump everyone into one category. Don’t let people put a label on you that does not apply to you. Never forget, you don’t have to agree with everything that is said to you. And you don’t have to get upset over anything if you don’t want to. It’s all in how you choose to respond. Just ask yourself, “Is it true?” If it is true then you can deal with it appropriately; if it’s not true then keep on keepin’ on!
A question for you: Why do you believe some people allow negativity to stop them?
I look forward to reading your response!
Turn Your Setbacks into Accelerated Comebacks,
Craig L. Sanders
“The Comeback Specialist”
P.S. To inquire about Craig's book, "Keys to Manifesting Your Destiny", his coaching packages, or to have him speak at your event, please visit his website: http://www.craiglsanders.com/
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Copyright 2010 Craig Sanders Unlimited, LLC
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